I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
