take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
