She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
