What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
