Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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