Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
