I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize
