Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
