HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
they're like a gay fantastic four
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Randomize
