I hate your face
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
