bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
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Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
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I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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