dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
