just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
we made out on top of his cat.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
