for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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