dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
