saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
