separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
