My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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