I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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