do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
