another moral hangover. fuck.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
