**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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