You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
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