So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
