Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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