Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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