she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
