the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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