Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
