Duck Duck Cougar?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
