we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
