If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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