i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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