Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
