I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
