I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
