Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
