i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
