It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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