I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You can't motorboat a personality
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
