Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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