i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
