the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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