i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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