she was so not down for the gang bang
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
