upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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