You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
So I just went to clothing optional bar
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
