so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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