About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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