I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
