Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
