I smell stomach acid.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
