she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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