i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
