Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
