You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
