Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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