My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
