it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
