Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
