Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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