Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
