"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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