Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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