I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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