Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
