Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
