I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
