my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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