Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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