Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
